Take time with your loved ones: international school

Friday, March 2, 2012

How to Discipline a Child with Minimal (or No) Spanking

By Cherry Moriones-Doromal

Being blessed with two boys, I find it challenging for me as a mom to raise my two kids, who have two distinct personalities, in a single standardized manner.

Disciplining the child is a skill that parents learn over the years of living with their kids.

In my approach of discipline, Proverbs 22:6 guides me along the way, where it says: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” And as to how I apply the principle, please check these out:

1.Start early. Mold your child’s ideal behavior as early in his life as possible. Developmental psychologists say that even the newborn has his own way of communicating his feelings and responding to mommy’s voice and other sounds—cooing, gurgling, smiling, and crying. So, it is important that you communicate with your kid in a manner that he will understand. For instance, a warm hug or kiss to a baby will mean love. Or to a first grader, how do you communicate good grooming? Do this by combing his hair, fixing his clothes, and putting on cologne before he goes to school, and say these simple words: “You look great. This is the way you should be every day.”

2.Set an example. The general principle in disciplining the child is to “do what you preach.” If you want something for your child to adopt, set an example. You may not effectively teach your child the bad effects of smoking if you frequently smoke in front of him.

3.Form a habit. A habit starts by introducing the right thing and doing the same thing constantly. For instance, if you want your child to eat vegetables, then, introduce to him vegetables by serving vegetables (such as carrots, cabbage, broccoli, etc.) regularly in his meals.

4.Involve the child. A Chinese proverb says: “Tell me I will forget. Show me I will remember. Involve me and I will understand.” The effects are poles apart in “simply saying swimming is fun”, “having your child watch kids swimming”, and “having your child dip himself in the pool to swim”. Educators and psychologists agree with similar principle that learning is attained most when the person is involved. In this manner, the person is able to tell others about his experience, and that experience will stick in his mind.

5.Make good things fun. Forcing your child to do something good may imply future negative repercussions, such as rebellion, inability to decide for/by himself or hatred. Better than pressing on him, think of fun ways of making him do something out of his own choice. For instance, in my case, I want my kids to be thoughtful. How do I train them to be thoughtful? Last Christmas, for instance, I prepared a table complete with art materials--colorful pens, nice paper, scissors etc. -- and asked the boys if they wanted to join me in creating Christmas cards for dad and granny. Yes, they joined me and were both excited to give their personalized Christmas cards to everyone.

6.Reward for good things done. The reward system,also known as positive reinforcement, is an excellent counterpart of corporal punishment or spanking. When your child does something good (even just simple ones, not necessarily outstanding acts), let him enjoy rewards. If he studied well, then let him play his favorite computer games on weekend.

7.Transform negative instructions to positive. Child psychologists believe that negative words and phrases like "no," "don't," "you can't," "I won't," "stop," and "not until” have unhelpful effects to the child. When a parent says "no," the child perceives the parent as a hindrance to what he wants to do. Parents are advised not to use these words, as much as possible, and just think of creative ways to speak their instructions. For instance, your child asks for chocolate candies right ahead of lunch. Instead of saying, "No chocolates until you've finished your lunch," you could say, "Sure, you can have chocolates after we’ve eaten lunch.”

Sunday, February 19, 2012

10 Secrets to a Peaceful Family Home

by Cherry Moriones Doromal

How excited are you to coming home from work or school each day? Is your home the best place you can share your biggest smile, laugh at the top of your voice, and be tranquil whether awake or asleep?
How do we attain and maintain a peaceful home? Here are some tips:

1. Constant and proper communication. As in any other kind of relationship, regular communication is the key to understanding your spouse, kids or any other member of your family. Lack of communication draws you apart from one another, bringing about miscommunication, misunderstanding and declining relationship.

It’s not an excuse that you’re the silent type. A simple compliment like “You look wonderful” or a word of concern like “How’s your day?” and “Have you eaten yet?” are powerful single-liners. Communication may not, at all times, be expressed only in words—text messages, sticky notes, a smile, a cup of coffee, hugs and kisses are gestures that communicate better relationships.

As to the other party, it’s important that he takes time to LISTEN and is sensitive to what’s being communicated to him.

2. Make time for your loved ones. Busy? Who can't be busy in today’s society? Even our pets at home may be busy doing their stuff. Set aside a quality moment with your family. It doesn’t matter how short or long each day, as long as your time and thoughts are exclusively devoted for your spouse or kids on that particular moment. It may be a 15-minute meal time without interruptions, or a two-hour movie time.

3. Renew your love every day. It’s sad to realize that a lot of people around the world feel like their homes are a battlefield where enemies are ready to strike from any corner. As a result, they end up seeking for comfort from the outside world or other people, and most likely, they engage themselves to vices.

Another secret to achieving peace in your home is to fall in love with your spouse every single day. Don’t let yourself be enticed by things which will ruin your relationship. Never get tired of rekindling the sweetness you had when you were at the peak of your happy relationship.

4. Consider your family in making life’s choices. Opportunities come and, sometimes, being overwhelmed with them makes us decide in a flash without thinking of consequences. Think wisely when making decisions and consult your spouse to be certain he’s open about them and is willing to support you along the way.

5. Set rules but be reasonable. As parents, it’s all right to set rules to our kids— no video games on school days, reward for a perfect grade, no smoking, etc. Be careful, though, in setting up rules, and be sure that your rules are workable. Give everyone a certain level of freedom to express themselves or their opinions. If your kids (especially the teens) look at you as a modern day Hitler whose wishes couldn't be challenged, your kids might rebel against you. In rebellious acts begin many disorders at home.

6.   Don’t spread unhealthy rumors about your family. Every home has its own imperfection. Siblings clash and spouses disagree occasionally. Don’t gossip about your own family because this will cause unlimited trouble for everyone.

7.   Don’t gossip about somebody else’s life. It is a basic rule that we shouldn’t meddle into the lives of other people. If you‘re not a party to issues outside of your home, and if you’re not being requested to give sound advice, it would be best that you keep your mouth from talking about your neighbor’s lives to avoid chaos.

8.   Settle issues as soon as possible. Should there be any disagreement in your family, resolve the problem as soon as possible. How soon? Within the day! This might sound irrational especially when the matter is a big issue. Call me extreme, but, I think there’s nothing too big when we’re talking about preserving peace in our own home. We’re protecting our family relationship here.

Stop waiting for the right timing in the future because, most likely, pride will take its course, and no reconciliation will be had. It’s good to be guided by Biblical principles such as, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” ( Eph. 4:26 )

9. Desire peace. “THINK ABOUT”, “SAY”, and “DO” things which will bring peace into your home. Remember, what we sow is what we reap.

10. Pray with your family. This is the ultimate secret that I would like to impart. Pray with your family and ask God to take control of every situation in your life.

Praying together may not mean the family being physically together in one room. Many homes have family members in other places, for work or other reasons.

By praying together, it may mean setting a certain time of the day wherein everyone will pause for a moment to pray for the family, anywhere he may be. It may also mean praying at no specific time, where everyone will pray for a common intention about the family.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6 )

More posts:What and Where We Eat in the Philippines
   More Eats Coming Up
Take Time with your Loved Ones
Dating Ideas for Married Christian Couples
How to Strengthen Parent Teen Relationship
  How to Discipline a Child with Minimal or No Spanking
    International School-- MGIS, Mahatma Gandhi Scholars

"Cherry Moriones-Doromal, an educator at the Mahatma Gandhi International School (MGIS), is a proud advocate of high-quality global education."
Other Writings by Cherry Moriones Doromal:
http://www.mb.com.ph/node/316971/the-anti-stress-science-facebook

Ways to love your old newspapers

http://www.mb.com.ph/node/316497/ways-love-your-old-newpapers

Wow eating manners!

http://www.mb.com.ph/node/315715/wow-eating-manners

Freeze it!

http://www.mb.com.ph/node/302629/freeze-it

Journal of a Practical Mom

http://www.mb.com.ph/node/302131/journal-a-practical-mom#comment-7014

Honoring a decade of happy marriage

http://www.mb.com.ph/node/303986/honoring-a-decade-happy-marriage

Summertime ironies are cool

http://www.mb.com.ph/node/315042/summertime-ironies-are-cool

On Sowing and Reaping

http://www.mb.com.ph/node/324542/on-sowing-and-reaping

Leave the crab behind

http://www.mb.com.ph/node/325936/leave-crab-behind