Marriage is a Decision, and So is Love...
By Cherry Moriones Doromal
(Teaser Version. Full version will be available in major online bookstores worldwide)
A friend once told me that he never loved his wife since day one, but, he opted to keep their marriage. The couple has a child and they've been together peacefully in one roof for many years-- without fights, whatsoever.
Weird as it may sound, marriage could last forever in paper without love. Call it loveless marriage or practicality, and so forth... the thing is, "that genre of marriage" actually exists. Therefore, under certain circumstances, even if a couple has been married for 50 years, there's a possibly that reciprocal love existed only for 49 years or 20 years or 3 days or 2 hours. Come to think of it, under our Family Code, love is not even a requisite of marriage. However, marriage is a decision, and so is love.
What we often don't realize is that love within marriage could be defined and expressed in various ways. It may not always be the eros or romantic kind of love, but could also be "philia" or "friendly" kind of love or combined with "storge" or familial love or filial love.
In the Philippines, we a have a saying that goes like: "Marriage is not like eating rice that when you realize it's hot, you will just spit it out". That old adage implies that marriage entails thorough thinking as it's a permanent decision. Of course, I had heard of it many times during my younger years; hence, I was aware that marriage is a decision. Over the years of marriage, however, life has taught me another vital wisdom not found in the books, that "love is also a decision." I realized, as well, that in stormy days of life, I may choose to unlove my spouse and remain in marriage at my convenience, or choose to maintain the love inspite of any circumstance. All in all, prayer has been my strongest weapon at any season in my married life.
While one is at liberty to choose either marriage only or love only, I opt to choose both. I mean, the eros type. The romantic one. Why? Because love begets happiness, and happiness is of paramount value to me. And in fact, internal happiness is my ultimate gauge of wealth and success. And as far as I and my husband continue to climb up our marriage ladder, I would like to share with the world my so-called "Cherry's ABCs of Marriage" learned from our 19 years of togetherness (as of this time) based on personal experience, circumstances, and perspective.
Ready for it yet? Below is Cherry's ABCs of Love and Marriage
(Marriage is a decision, and so is love)
"The Right Mix"
Love within marriage is a combination and balance of :
A-- attention; awareness; acceptance
B-- brave acts and decisions; baby-ness (birth to immaturity to growth); broadmindedness
C-- careful thinking; consciousness; consideration; contentment; communication;
D-- devotion; desire (connected with Y= yearning)
E--endurance; efforts; exchange of opinions
F-- faithfulness; fidelity; forgiveness; fortitude, freedom (at a certain extent and level)
G-- giving; goals
H-- hopefulness, happiness (believe it or not, you create and define it)
I-- initiative, intuition
J-- judgement (sound judgement)
K-- keen observation; kindness
L-- learning; listening; laws (connected with R=rules)
M-- "me time"; meticulousness; maturity
N-- nice gestures; neededness
O-- outspokenness and open mindedness
P-- patience; planning; provision
Q-- quietness; quiet time
R-- respect; responsible actions; rules
S-- service; strategy; softness (soft side)
T-- truth; time; target; toughness (tough side)
U-- understanding
V-- virtues combined, veracity
W-- waiting (lots of it)
X-- x factor (uniqueness of your own love story)
Y-- yearning ; yeas and nays (on decisions/rules)
Z-- Zekie and Zecheriah (our sons) and Project "Zach" (our family charity)
These ABCs are non-exclusive. You can definitely create your own or interpret each item in your own way. I trust that more notes of wisdom will be added on this list in the future on our anticipated many years of togetherness as a couple. Indeed, love is boundless and powerful!
Happy 19th Wedding Anniversary to Tsip, my hubby!
I Corinthians 13:1 to 13:
13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Footnotes:
1 Corinthians 13:1 Or languages
1 Corinthians 13:3 Some manuscripts body to the flames
Verses sourced from Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.®
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