18 Roses, Candles
and Treasures of Marriage
By Cherry Moriones Doromal
Happy 18th Birthday to You, dear
Marriage!
Since it's your debut today, let your parents present these
18 Roses to honor your beauty, or 18 Candles to further light up your way, or 18
Treasures which are wisdom acquired while raising you:
1. EXPECT the UNEXPECTED as regards the personality of your
spouse.
Understand that you will have to be
united with somebody who is totally different from you. You and your spouse
have two distinct backgrounds. If along the way you discovered some traits
exceeding what you had imagined prior to your marriage, congratulations! The
general rule, however, is: "expect imperfections". Expect the
unexpected!
2. LOVE is a DECISION and not merely an emotion.
Trials, temptations, uncertainties,
rough roads, challenges, mistakes... you might encounter them often in the
course of your marriage but those should never be an excuse to unlove your
spouse.
3. MARRIAGE is a LIFELONG COURTSHIP.
Appreciate each other every single
day. Take efforts to show your spouse his/her value and importance. Be
thoughtful.
4. SPEAK UP.
Do not not keep within yourself
your hurts, disapproval, angst, emotional issues and the like as those might
cause or aggravate misunderstanding. Take time to breathe in and breathe out
and communicate your feelings calmly and peacefully.
5. TAKE TIME to LISTEN.
No matter how exhausted or busy you
are, even if he/she is irritable and grumpy, even if the other party sounds
nonsense, shallow or cheesy, even if you have opposing views or varying
interests... listen!
6. BE SENSITIVE to UNSPOKEN LANGUAGE and GESTURES.
Believe it or not, oftentimes,
silence is louder than spoken language. Not because your spouse does not speak,
it follows that he is well, content, pleased, untroubled or strong. Learn to
properly interpret unspoken language and
do something to address latent concerns. (Eg. He was stuck in traffic for
hours, how about a fresh fruit juice for him as refreshment?)
7. GRANT EACH OTHER a MOMENT of SILENCE.
Everyone needs a "ME"
time. Marriage is not a license to strangle your partner. A negligible distance
once in a while might be helpful to allow your spouse to discover, develop and
enjoy his/her own identity. That rule is not absolute, though. It also depends
on your circumstances.
Important note: Ladies and
gentlemen, be on guard with your spouse's activities and whereabouts. You know
what I mean. It is always better to be proactive than to be sorry.
8. LEARN the ART of PROPER TIMING.
Is there any problem that you would
like to share with your spouse? There is always a right time and place to talk
about it. Or, do you want to get angry? Even anger has proper timing, too.
Don't let two hot heads collide. Timing is everything!
9. CONSIDER your SPOUSE and your CHILDREN in DREAMING and in
making PLANS and CHOICES.
It is normal and mostly okay to
dream. A married person should note, though, that he/she does not live solely
for himself/ herself. Consult your spouse in making plans and choices. Example,
you plan to travel abroad for work. Have a definite short and longterm plan
about your goal. Explain to your children the purpose of what you are doing.
10. MARRIAGE is TEAMWORK. Marriage in Christian perspective
is the union of a man and woman making them partners for life-- for better, for
worse, for richer and poorer. Be cooperative. Support each other in all aspects
from the smallest thing such as performing household chores to huge ventures.
11. MARRIAGE is a LIFETIME ADJUSTMENT.
The truth is that a lot of couple
keep and endure long years of togetherness in marriage without inner peace or
happiness in their hearts. That is because they are not well-adjusted.
Adjustment takes forever not simply for 1, 3, 5, or 7 years...because in life
we experience various challenges along the way (eg. old age, sickness, etc.)
and it is where our coping mechanisms manifest. Chances are, undesirable traits
of our spouse spring out on these occasions; and so, you will have to adjust to
that and deal with it.
12. LOOK GOOD for YOURSELF and for your SPOUSE.
Girls and guys, remain desirable. I
learned that from my grandma. I believe it is an act of respect for yourself,
and for your spouse. Go ahead! Visit the salon, fix yourself, buy a nice
outfit, exercise to tone your body shape, and so forth.
13. PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! Start and end your day with
positivity, humor, hope and faith. PRAY! By prayer, you lift your
relationships, plans and practically, your entire life to our Almighty God, the
Author of the universe.
Prayer equals power!
14. SEEK WISE COUNSEL ONLY from CREDIBLE, TRUSTWORTHY and
RESPECTED personalities.
eg. pastor/priest, family lawyer,
close friend. If you share confidential family matters to the wrong person, you
might end up being more devastated or becoming the gossipers' headline.
15. ADMIT your FAULT and SHORTCOMINGS and DO NOT COMMIT the
SAME MISTAKES again.
Take it as it is. Self explanatory.
16. ACT and SPEAK in a MANNER that would PLEASE your SPOUSE
with or without him/her around. Do not breach your spouse's trust.
Caution: No flirting with someone
else!
17. MARRIAGE has to be BALANCED. Remember to socialize and
maintain friendships within your marriage.
18. LEAVE a CERTAIN LEVEL of DIGNITY, RESPECT and LOVE for YOURSELF.
A song says: "Learning to love
yourself is the greatest love of all." Personally, I believe that
statement is not extremely correct in all respects. Let me qualify, though, that
as regards relationships and marriage, I partially agree with that statement.
Do not give your all to your
spouse. Leave a margin of error, a buffer or a certain shield that would enable
you to move on if you should! If after all your efforts, such as strictly
abiding by what I wrote in 1 to 17, still nothing good happens in your
relationship with your spouse, that, I suppose is already beyond our control.
Move on, my Dear! And live!
Related links:
Motorsiklo
Tips on How to Train Up Your Kids
Choose Life!
Related links:
Motorsiklo
Tips on How to Train Up Your Kids
Choose Life!
