18 Roses, Candles and Treasures of Marriage

18 Roses, Candles and  Treasures of Marriage

By  Cherry Moriones Doromal

Happy 18th Birthday to You, dear Marriage!

Since it's your debut today, let your parents present these 18 Roses to honor your beauty, or 18 Candles to further light up your way, or 18 Treasures which are wisdom acquired while raising you:

1. EXPECT the UNEXPECTED as regards the personality of your spouse.

Understand that you will have to be united with somebody who is totally different from you. You and your spouse have two distinct backgrounds. If along the way you discovered some traits exceeding what you had imagined prior to your marriage, congratulations! The general rule, however, is: "expect imperfections". Expect the unexpected!

2. LOVE is a DECISION and not merely an emotion.

Trials, temptations, uncertainties, rough roads, challenges, mistakes... you might encounter them often in the course of your marriage but those should never be an excuse to unlove your spouse.

3. MARRIAGE is a LIFELONG COURTSHIP.

Appreciate each other every single day. Take efforts to show your spouse his/her value and importance. Be thoughtful.

4. SPEAK UP.

Do not not keep within yourself your hurts, disapproval, angst, emotional issues and the like as those might cause or aggravate misunderstanding. Take time to breathe in and breathe out and communicate your feelings calmly and peacefully.

5. TAKE TIME to LISTEN.

No matter how exhausted or busy you are, even if he/she is irritable and grumpy, even if the other party sounds nonsense, shallow or cheesy, even if you have opposing views or varying interests... listen!

6. BE SENSITIVE to UNSPOKEN LANGUAGE and GESTURES.

Believe it or not, oftentimes, silence is louder than spoken language. Not because your spouse does not speak, it follows that he is well, content, pleased, untroubled or strong. Learn to properly interpret  unspoken language and do something to address latent concerns. (Eg. He was stuck in traffic for hours, how about a fresh fruit juice for him as refreshment?)

7. GRANT EACH OTHER a MOMENT of SILENCE.

Everyone needs a "ME" time. Marriage is not a license to strangle your partner. A negligible distance once in a while might be helpful to allow your spouse to discover, develop and enjoy his/her own identity. That rule is not absolute, though. It also depends on your circumstances.

Important note: Ladies and gentlemen, be on guard with your spouse's activities and whereabouts. You know what I mean. It is always better to be proactive than to be sorry.

8. LEARN the ART of PROPER TIMING.

Is there any problem that you would like to share with your spouse? There is always a right time and place to talk about it. Or, do you want to get angry? Even anger has proper timing, too. Don't let two hot heads collide. Timing is everything!

9. CONSIDER your SPOUSE and your CHILDREN in DREAMING and in making PLANS and CHOICES.

It is normal and mostly okay to dream. A married person should note, though, that he/she does not live solely for himself/ herself. Consult your spouse in making plans and choices. Example, you plan to travel abroad for work. Have a definite short and longterm plan about your goal. Explain to your children the purpose of what you are doing.

10. MARRIAGE is TEAMWORK. Marriage in Christian perspective is the union of a man and woman making them partners for life-- for better, for worse, for richer and poorer. Be cooperative. Support each other in all aspects from the smallest thing such as performing household chores to huge ventures.

11. MARRIAGE is a LIFETIME ADJUSTMENT.

The truth is that a lot of couple keep and endure long years of togetherness in marriage without inner peace or happiness in their hearts. That is because they are not well-adjusted. Adjustment takes forever not simply for 1, 3, 5, or 7 years...because in life we experience various challenges along the way (eg. old age, sickness, etc.) and it is where our coping mechanisms manifest. Chances are, undesirable traits of our spouse spring out on these occasions; and so, you will have to adjust to that and deal with it.

12. LOOK GOOD for YOURSELF and for your SPOUSE.

Girls and guys, remain desirable. I learned that from my grandma. I believe it is an act of respect for yourself, and for your spouse. Go ahead! Visit the salon, fix yourself, buy a nice outfit, exercise to tone your body shape, and so forth.

13. PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! Start and end your day with positivity, humor, hope and faith. PRAY! By prayer, you lift your relationships, plans and practically, your entire life to our Almighty God, the Author of the universe.

Prayer equals power!

14. SEEK WISE COUNSEL ONLY from CREDIBLE, TRUSTWORTHY and RESPECTED personalities.

eg. pastor/priest, family lawyer, close friend. If you share confidential family matters to the wrong person, you might end up being more devastated or becoming the gossipers' headline.

15. ADMIT your FAULT and SHORTCOMINGS and DO NOT COMMIT the SAME MISTAKES again.

Take it as it is. Self explanatory.

16. ACT and SPEAK in a MANNER that would PLEASE your SPOUSE with or without him/her around. Do not breach your spouse's trust.

Caution: No flirting with someone else!

17. MARRIAGE has to be BALANCED. Remember to socialize and maintain friendships within your marriage.

18. LEAVE a CERTAIN LEVEL of  DIGNITY, RESPECT and LOVE  for YOURSELF.

A song says: "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all." Personally, I believe that statement is not extremely correct in all respects. Let me qualify, though, that as regards relationships and marriage, I partially agree with that statement.

Do not give your all to your spouse. Leave a margin of error, a buffer or a certain shield that would enable you to move on if you should! If after all your efforts, such as strictly abiding by what I wrote in 1 to 17, still nothing good happens in your relationship with your spouse, that, I suppose is already beyond our control. Move on, my Dear! And live!

Related links:
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