ABC's of Love and Marriage

Cherry's ABCs of Love and Marriage
Marriage is a Decision, and So is Love...
By Cherry Moriones Doromal
(Teaser Version. Full version will be available in major online bookstores worldwide)

A friend once told me that he never loved his wife since day one, but, he opted to keep their marriage. The couple has a child and they've been together peacefully in one roof for many years-- without fights, whatsoever.

Weird as it may sound, marriage could last forever in paper without love. Call it loveless marriage or practicality, and so forth... the thing is, "that genre of marriage" actually exists. Therefore, under certain circumstances, even if a couple has been married for 50 years, there's a possibly that reciprocal love existed only for 49 years or 20 years or 3 days or 2 hours. Come to think of it, under our Family Code, love is not even a requisite of marriage. However, marriage is a decision, and so is love.

What we often don't realize is that love within marriage could be defined and expressed in various ways. It may not always be the eros or romantic kind of love, but could also be "philia" or "friendly" kind of love or combined with "storge" or familial love or filial love.

In the Philippines, we a have a saying that goes like: "Marriage is not like eating rice that when you realize it's hot, you will just spit it out". That old adage implies that marriage entails thorough thinking as it's a permanent decision. Of course, I had heard of it many times during my younger years; hence, I was aware that marriage is a decision. Over the years of marriage, however, life has taught me another vital wisdom not found in the books, that "love is also a decision." I realized, as well, that in stormy days of life, I may choose to unlove my spouse and remain in marriage at my convenience, or choose to maintain the love inspite of any circumstance. All in all, prayer has been my strongest weapon at any season in my married life.

While one is at liberty to choose either marriage only or love only, I opt to choose both. I mean, the eros type. The romantic one. Why? Because love begets happiness, and happiness is of paramount value to me. And in fact, internal happiness is my ultimate gauge of wealth and success. And as far as I and my husband continue to climb up our marriage ladder, I would like to share with the world my so-called "Cherry's ABCs of Marriage" learned from our 19 years of togetherness (as of this time) based on personal experience, circumstances, and perspective.

Ready for it yet? Below is Cherry's ABCs of Love and Marriage
(Marriage is a decision, and so is love)

"The Right Mix"
Love within marriage is a combination and balance of :

A-- attention; awareness; acceptance
B-- brave acts and decisions; baby-ness (birth to immaturity to growth); broadmindedness
C-- careful thinking; consciousness; consideration; contentment; communication;
D-- devotion; desire (connected with Y= yearning)
E--endurance; efforts; exchange of opinions
F-- faithfulness; fidelity; forgiveness; fortitude, freedom (at a certain extent and level)
G-- giving; goals
H-- hopefulness, happiness (believe it or not, you create and define it)
I-- initiative, intuition
J-- judgement (sound judgement)
K-- keen observation; kindness
L-- learning; listening; laws (connected with R=rules)
M-- "me time"; meticulousness; maturity
N-- nice gestures; neededness
O-- outspokenness and open mindedness
P-- patience; planning; provision
Q-- quietness; quiet time
R-- respect; responsible actions; rules
S-- service; strategy; softness (soft side)
T-- truth; time; target; toughness (tough side)
U-- understanding
V-- virtues combined, veracity
W-- waiting (lots of it)
X-- x factor (uniqueness of your own love story)
Y-- yearning ; yeas and nays (on decisions/rules)
Z-- Zekie and Zecheriah (our sons) and Project "Zach" (our family charity)

These ABCs are non-exclusive. You can definitely create your own or interpret each item in your own way. I trust that more notes of wisdom will be added on this list in the future on our anticipated many years of togetherness as a couple. Indeed, love is boundless and powerful!
Happy 19th Wedding Anniversary to Tsip, my hubby!

I Corinthians 13:1 to 13:
13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Footnotes:

1 Corinthians 13:1 Or languages
1 Corinthians 13:3 Some manuscripts body to the flames

Verses sourced from Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.®

Follow Cherry on www.facebook.com/ kumandermisis and www.facebook.com/internationaleducator

18 Roses, Candles and Treasures of Marriage

18 Roses, Candles and  Treasures of Marriage

By  Cherry Moriones Doromal

Happy 18th Birthday to You, dear Marriage!

Since it's your debut today, let your parents present these 18 Roses to honor your beauty, or 18 Candles to further light up your way, or 18 Treasures which are wisdom acquired while raising you:

1. EXPECT the UNEXPECTED as regards the personality of your spouse.

Understand that you will have to be united with somebody who is totally different from you. You and your spouse have two distinct backgrounds. If along the way you discovered some traits exceeding what you had imagined prior to your marriage, congratulations! The general rule, however, is: "expect imperfections". Expect the unexpected!

2. LOVE is a DECISION and not merely an emotion.

Trials, temptations, uncertainties, rough roads, challenges, mistakes... you might encounter them often in the course of your marriage but those should never be an excuse to unlove your spouse.

3. MARRIAGE is a LIFELONG COURTSHIP.

Appreciate each other every single day. Take efforts to show your spouse his/her value and importance. Be thoughtful.

4. SPEAK UP.

Do not not keep within yourself your hurts, disapproval, angst, emotional issues and the like as those might cause or aggravate misunderstanding. Take time to breathe in and breathe out and communicate your feelings calmly and peacefully.

5. TAKE TIME to LISTEN.

No matter how exhausted or busy you are, even if he/she is irritable and grumpy, even if the other party sounds nonsense, shallow or cheesy, even if you have opposing views or varying interests... listen!

6. BE SENSITIVE to UNSPOKEN LANGUAGE and GESTURES.

Believe it or not, oftentimes, silence is louder than spoken language. Not because your spouse does not speak, it follows that he is well, content, pleased, untroubled or strong. Learn to properly interpret  unspoken language and do something to address latent concerns. (Eg. He was stuck in traffic for hours, how about a fresh fruit juice for him as refreshment?)

7. GRANT EACH OTHER a MOMENT of SILENCE.

Everyone needs a "ME" time. Marriage is not a license to strangle your partner. A negligible distance once in a while might be helpful to allow your spouse to discover, develop and enjoy his/her own identity. That rule is not absolute, though. It also depends on your circumstances.

Important note: Ladies and gentlemen, be on guard with your spouse's activities and whereabouts. You know what I mean. It is always better to be proactive than to be sorry.

8. LEARN the ART of PROPER TIMING.

Is there any problem that you would like to share with your spouse? There is always a right time and place to talk about it. Or, do you want to get angry? Even anger has proper timing, too. Don't let two hot heads collide. Timing is everything!

9. CONSIDER your SPOUSE and your CHILDREN in DREAMING and in making PLANS and CHOICES.

It is normal and mostly okay to dream. A married person should note, though, that he/she does not live solely for himself/ herself. Consult your spouse in making plans and choices. Example, you plan to travel abroad for work. Have a definite short and longterm plan about your goal. Explain to your children the purpose of what you are doing.

10. MARRIAGE is TEAMWORK. Marriage in Christian perspective is the union of a man and woman making them partners for life-- for better, for worse, for richer and poorer. Be cooperative. Support each other in all aspects from the smallest thing such as performing household chores to huge ventures.

11. MARRIAGE is a LIFETIME ADJUSTMENT.

The truth is that a lot of couple keep and endure long years of togetherness in marriage without inner peace or happiness in their hearts. That is because they are not well-adjusted. Adjustment takes forever not simply for 1, 3, 5, or 7 years...because in life we experience various challenges along the way (eg. old age, sickness, etc.) and it is where our coping mechanisms manifest. Chances are, undesirable traits of our spouse spring out on these occasions; and so, you will have to adjust to that and deal with it.

12. LOOK GOOD for YOURSELF and for your SPOUSE.

Girls and guys, remain desirable. I learned that from my grandma. I believe it is an act of respect for yourself, and for your spouse. Go ahead! Visit the salon, fix yourself, buy a nice outfit, exercise to tone your body shape, and so forth.

13. PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! Start and end your day with positivity, humor, hope and faith. PRAY! By prayer, you lift your relationships, plans and practically, your entire life to our Almighty God, the Author of the universe.

Prayer equals power!

14. SEEK WISE COUNSEL ONLY from CREDIBLE, TRUSTWORTHY and RESPECTED personalities.

eg. pastor/priest, family lawyer, close friend. If you share confidential family matters to the wrong person, you might end up being more devastated or becoming the gossipers' headline.

15. ADMIT your FAULT and SHORTCOMINGS and DO NOT COMMIT the SAME MISTAKES again.

Take it as it is. Self explanatory.

16. ACT and SPEAK in a MANNER that would PLEASE your SPOUSE with or without him/her around. Do not breach your spouse's trust.

Caution: No flirting with someone else!

17. MARRIAGE has to be BALANCED. Remember to socialize and maintain friendships within your marriage.

18. LEAVE a CERTAIN LEVEL of  DIGNITY, RESPECT and LOVE  for YOURSELF.

A song says: "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all." Personally, I believe that statement is not extremely correct in all respects. Let me qualify, though, that as regards relationships and marriage, I partially agree with that statement.

Do not give your all to your spouse. Leave a margin of error, a buffer or a certain shield that would enable you to move on if you should! If after all your efforts, such as strictly abiding by what I wrote in 1 to 17, still nothing good happens in your relationship with your spouse, that, I suppose is already beyond our control. Move on, my Dear! And live!

Related links:
Motorsiklo
Tips on How to Train Up Your Kids
Choose Life!

MOTORSIKLO

20 years after, I still am not used to seeing him riding a motorbike. When the then Police Inspector (Lieutenant) Wilson was courting me, he had a Ducati big bike. I told him that I didn't like motorbikes. Well, good for me that he was obedient enough that from then on he left his motorbike with me in Manila. He never touched it nor cleaned it until we got married. It stayed in an open parking for more than three years or so,rain or shine... Till it became totally unserviceable.

I don't know but I tend to associate danger with motorcycles. Maybe because we often see reckless drivers everywhere. As per personal experience while driving, my car suffered from scratches and minor bumps caused by heedless motorcycle drivers who would escape after hitting my car.

One time, I was with a driver and we were not even moving on red light when a neglectful motorcycle rider suddenly came hitting the right side of my SUV bumper. I told my driver: "It's okay. Don't bother to run after him. That might even cause us hypertension.Life is more important." 

And now, of course,there are situations wherein we can't avoid riding a motorbike, like in Colonel D's case wherein it's part of his job at Highway Patrol Group. The same is true with food or parcel delivery men who would often use motorcycles to fulfill their duties. And as to others, that's their only mode of transporation at work and in taking their children to schools.

May it be a motorcycle, luxury car, bus, jeepney or truck, we all have the same desire each time we travel... and that is to reach our destination. All of us have equal rights to use the road. We all have the same responsibility towards ourselves, our co-passengers and fellow drivers. All of us have our own family members who expect us to come home safe and sound. Most of all, we equally have a single life that we need to treasure.

Tips on How to Train Up your Kids

"Every Child Has a Distinct Talent... Every Child Has a Potential to Shine" 

#KiddosGotTalents #TipsOnHowToTrainUpYourKids

by Cherry Moriones Doromal

I didn't know that one of my oldest and most neglected Youtube vids has so far reached 56k views? heheh. Effortless posting for my personal archive. As Strongboy said: "my humble beginnings🤣🤣🤣" Such a practical comedian! (See entire post below 👇 #scrollup please)

Facebook:

Cherry Moriones Doromal
Tales of Kumander Misis, Ang Wifey ni Tsip
Brain Clips by BloggerMom
Works of Cherry Moriones Doromal
 
The "NOW"

FRIEND: (Applause) Wow, congratulations!  Strong is an excellent pianist and Zekie is such a beast drummer? Who taught them?

ME: In musical instruments, they practically learned ONLY the basics from me, school and tutors... and as to their present skills, they learned by themselves. So, credit to them😊

Hubby and I had  introduced everything to our kids at the earliest age. Again, "INTRODUCED"... Meaning, we had them try various activities for 2-10  sessions and allowed them to choose later which to take seriously --taekwondo, swimming, cricket, basketball, archery, fencing, painting, football, robotics, karate, arnis, speech,modeling, theater, voice, foreign language (Mandarin, French,  Italian), culinary, firing, basic driving lessons, golf,biking, motorbike (scooter in the meantime🤣),  dance, scuba diving, handball, violin, piano/keyboard, melodica, flute, drums,guitar,  and so forth.

Even then, we didn't expect that they would excel or be skilled in every single thing on the list. 😊However,  those exposures became helpful for them to determine their interests and to develop life skills.

So, in brevity, here are my quick tips in traning up your children:

1. Introduce various skills to your kids. How?

A. By simple orientation
B. By showing  what it is, eg. demo or have them watch
C. By having them experience (my top choice!)

2. Start early. Assess which skills are practicable for your child. For instance, check out if your child could start drawing at 3 or 4 years old.  As regards Zekie, I gave him toy #drumset at 4😊

 3. Give your full support... (you are at liberty to define or to execute it in the manner you interpret "full support". It definitely  depends on various circumstances as well as on your goal. Eg. The goal of being future  Olympian, and  "just exposed", and being a professional coach and hobbyist  are 4 different stories which require different levels  and genre of support)

4. DO NOT COMPARE  your child with another person's child. All people have their own individual differences and strengths.

5.Believe in your child, appreciate your child,  respect your child  and allow him/her to grow.

6. Pray for your child. The reality is that we can only dream for the best for our children and even provide anything... within our limits. Nothing is certain in this world. The only sure shot I know is that we NEED God's powerful hand and wisdom every step of the way!

https://youtu.be/a4trh08XdK4

Basic Drum Fills by Zekie Doromal

Bag Stories 2018-1

BAG STORIES 2018-1
by Cherry Moriones Doromal
https://www.facebook.com/KikayRepublicbyCherryD/
https://www.facebook.com/kumandermisis/

Importer: Madam, I wonder if you'd like to buy a super copy of H bag from me. It's only P50k ($1000) and I can give it to you at $900

ME: Ah, I see. No thanks.

Importer: Madam, you have to know that it's a super copy of the authentic, using genuine leather and materials. It comes in a box with receipts and paper bag. In stores, the original item is worth P2M ($40,000). Should you use it, that would really look nice and authentic.

ME: Precisely. And that's the big issue! Should I wear that hand bag, people might have the false impression that I am using a P2M bag (while shopping for "tuyo"! 😝😜)

That's why I said: "No thanks!"😊

Practical wisdom: 

1. "Which is more important, the purse or its content?"  #InvestSaveShare

2. Humans are naturally judgmental in various ways. As leaders, we should be extra cautious about human impressions. 

A preacher once said:  "It's not only important for a leader to be clean inside (okay, you know that,  but others don't see that) ... It's equally important to look clean outside."

Are You Ready for Retirement?

Are You Ready for Retirement?

"Dream but don't sleep." -- Cherry Moriones- Doromal

Today hubby Wilson will start with his mandatory Senior Executive Course which should last for about a year, inclusive of special trainings in the US (normally with FBI). Other than that, all PNP officers like him are required to pass the Civil Service CSEE and/ or Police Executive Senior Examination given by #NAPOLCOM as requirement for future promotion-- as in his case, for possible senior superintendent (full colonel) and chief superintendent (general) posts, by the Almighty's  approval and in His time.

One night, during the course of our preparation, I personally interviewed hubby using my own mock questions. I asked him: "How do you see yourself 3,5 and 10 years from now?" He paused for a moment and uttered sincere, hopeful, precise words in all humility which undoubtedly made me realize how blessed I am to be given a genuine-hearted Christian public servant husband.

"Relax and let our requests be made known to our God! Let's live one day at a time in faith that our Father has His own perfect will in our career, in our family, as well as in our roles and ministry for the country," that's my brief encouragement  for him.

Then came into my mind these three extraordinary accomplished  men whom I had a series of one-on-one personal talk and encounter lately.

Case #1 (Knows when to slowdown and stop... and he currently enjoys the fruit of his labor)

The first one is a successful lawyer, with astounding achievements in the corporate, international and local legal practice. He is in his early 70s and is semi-retired (as he termed it), spending most of his time developing his vast farm, caring about the environment. And as a matter choice, he is now living an unelaborate, healthy life well-spent with equally super successful luminary wife and fellow-accomplished friends (some of them we regularly see on tv, web and we get to listen to them on radio programs), incessantly discovering new knowledge to benefit humanity.

"You know, Cherry, what we're doing now in this organic farm are efforts to live longer and healthier," he whispered to me as we were traversing the hanging bridge in his property.

I need not mention that this man is considerably rich, famous and influential. He lets his investments work for him now that he is slowing down a bit. Along the way, he still maintains several businesses and a pretty decent law firm in a prestigious building in Ortigas.

This man wrote his latest book recently, sharing his testimony to the world. Despite all his accomplishments and busy itinerary, he allots time for Bible study and fellowship with his small group in his home in Valle Verde.  He regularly makes time for old-time acquaintances and friends like us.

Without need of superfluous words from him, his inner happiness naturally radiates on his face; therefore, I would say that he is indeed a successful man!

Case #2 (Super active and apparently without plan to retire)

The next man that I will be gossiping about today is an 82-year old politician- businessman. I call him dad whenever we talk in private. I have learned so much  wisdom from him as he would often impart his secrets about business--telling me the details on how he became a billionaire by using his creativity--as well as his personal styles and strategies for successfully raising his politician children, training them to become world-class athletes first, then transforming them into international scholars, then businessmen, and now, active politicians.  I guess, this man has no plans to retire. He was hospitalized several times, but, as a medical doctor himself, he would always say that he is aware of the capacity and needs of his own body; for that reason, he stubbornly carries out whatever projects he has in mind and no one dares to stop him, because the man is resolute about his goals. He has positioned the tracks and future of all his loved ones already.

Despite his age, he, still, is an active politician as well as a highly-esteemed civic and business leader. To tell you, no one can beat this man's diligence!  He would wake up each day around 3:30 am and would be in his project sites from 4:00 am to 12:00 pm where he simultaneously entertains everyone (meaning, all levels of visitors! From the masses asking for help and financial assistance, project coordinators, local political leaders, and various people with all their distinct requests). Vision and passion are his constant baggage and companion, as well as his daily dose of strength.

Case #3: (Extremely accomplished yet alone and lonely)

Finally, here's an 83-year old American tycoon, newsmaker, political influencer, diplomat, art collector, preserver of endangered wildlife species. Checking on his bio would make me run out of adjectives to describe his achievements.  Just to give you an idea, with all his recorded contributions to the world, even to the White House during his time, in science, in the military, genetic engineering, arts, and so forth, even Einstein might have second thoughts about who is greater between them. Of course,  he is a billionaire! Nevertheless, despite his age and weakening body, he still tirelessly explores business opportunities with foreign investors and government leaders.

Upon an intimate one-on-one talk a few weeks ago, I asked him why he thinks he has to work like that.  I said, "You already gave each member of your family more than enough inheritance. Now, you are by yourself living a kingly lifestyle without family and friends."  In his shaky voice, he began sharing his life stories with me... And in the course of his narration, he began shedding tears and more tears. In my mind, I couldn't believe that someone of his calibre would text me and invite me into his own home to ask for advice. He was political adviser to US senators and a prominent  US vice president (who later on run as president) during his time. He was cum laude in the same school where President Donald Trump studied.He served as diplomat in different parts of the world most of his life. He owns luxurious properties and currently proposes projects to governments with figures in dollars which I couldn't decipher in my own mental arithmetic. Despite those, he is sad... and unsatisfied.

All in all, why am I thinking about these things today? Probably, as a form or realization since I just got home from a twenty-day US trip with my parents who both recently retired from government service.  Simple as they are, all their lives, they had  worked hard to provide for the family and they performed their  functions in humility, love and passion. What a blessing it is that they are currently enjoying the fruits of their labor in complete strength, perfect health and with total happiness in their heart.

Think about this...
Ecclesiastes 1:3
What do people gain from all their labors at which they toil under the sun?

Home Study Program: How it Works (Actual Video)